


Good Ones

by Nyxierose



Category: Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 07:45:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5326226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyxierose/pseuds/Nyxierose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After her bulletproof plan falls through, Jess has one last solution to her problems. It just... doesn't go according to plan. At all. Ask someone to kill you, end up crying in their arms... her life is weird like that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Ones

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on tumblr @electricbluebutterflies.
> 
> Also HI, I finally watched ep 7 today and this piece started as an internal monologue and then turned into full-on canon-divergent... well, whatever the hell it is. It's a something.

No one else will ever understand you like I do, the monster says, and Jess wants to scream because he's so fucking wrong. A month ago, she might've given him that point, but now… now is different, now she knows better.

I've found someone, she wants to say, wants to yell at the top of her lungs because she didn't think that was possible until it happened. She's found someone and he's beautiful, absolutely beautiful, he's unbreakable and he fucks like a god and there's unspeakable warmth in his midnight eyes and she wanted to spend forever with him and then she fucked it up because that's the only thing she's good at. Because telling the person you're sleeping with that you murdered their spouse is _not_ something normal people know how to do, and she really didn't piece it together until after that first night and by then she was already in too deep. Because she didn't _want_ to tell him, but then she had to and now he fuckin' hates her. (Because she's not sure how to love someone and she wants to try but there's no way in hell she'll get another chance like this one.)

She doesn't say anything, though. She can't let the monster know what she almost had. No, she waits it out, and then she starts running the moment she can.

Running _towards_ something instead of away from it. On some level, she really ought to be proud of herself for finally grasping that idea.

It's like two in the morning and any reasonable person would take a cab, but the last thing Jess wants is an encounter with a minion in an enclosed space and so she stays on her feet. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug, and she pushes her body as fast and as far as it'll go. Maybe it'll help her case if she looks like death on legs? Maybe… no, about halfway to her destination, she gets an even better idea. A solution, a damn good one, possibly the strangest thing her brain has ever come up with but if it works… if it works…

By the time she collapses against the door of Luke's third-floor apartment, it's closer to three in the morning and she's tired as hell and even more determined. It's a dangerous mix with her, and she bangs on the door because she wants this over with. She wants closure, and if her last attempt didn't work then maybe this one will.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he breathes as he opens the door, irritated but somehow not a bit surprised by her presence.

"I want you to kill me." She locks eyes with him, silently pleading. "I had a plan, but… it didn't work, it didn't fucking work and you're the only person I trust and I know you want to and… please, please kill me."

He takes a step back, looking her up and down, oddly hesitant. This is not what she wants. She wants fire, she wants the raw power she's seen directed at her, she wants him to break her little body and end this hell she's living in. Clearly the universe has other plans.

"What happened?"

"Does it matter? You hate me. I ruined your life. I want to die, and it'd be closure for you if you do it. And… fuck, you're the only person I know who _could_ do it."

"I want you to live."

For a moment, she wonders if she's hearing things, but no such luck. "Why?" she breathes, trying to figure out what she has to say to make him cross the line. She doesn't care anymore, nothing's off-limits if it ends along with her life.

"You're a hell of a woman, Jessica. Maybe that's the problem with you, but it could also be the good thing."

"I can't fight anymore. I've tried everything and none of it _worked_. I'm so damn tired of everything and I just want to make it stop and… and I can't just shoot myself like a normal person would, I need to give up control, I need-"

"Breathe."

"Are you not listening to me?" she snaps. "I am begging you to help me one last time and then it'll be over. I can't ruin your life any further if I'm dead."

"I want to help you. Just not like this."

"Then _what_?! I'm not worth keeping around, I can't-"

He pulls her into his arms, and a heartbeat later a switch flicks in her brain and she starts crying. Actually fucking crying, like she hasn't in the presence of another person - not even Trish - since she was ten. Jess does not cry. Jess self-medicates and avoids her problems and lashes out at people and practices about every other unhealthy coping mechanism. She is decidedly _not_ the sort of person who falls apart like this, but today just keeps getting weirder even by her questionable standards and she's given up on wondering where it'll end because clearly it's not going to anytime soon.

She cries, and he strokes her back and lets her shatter and she wonders what she did to deserve this. People like him do not happen to people like her. She's not gone enough to think she's forgiven, but she's got space now and she makes a good parasite when given half a chance. Like now, nested in a safe person's arms, muffling her sobs against his chest and wondering when it'll all go to shit again.

(It always does. She doesn't dare hope otherwise.)

"Why are you being nice to me?" she mutters when she remembers how to breathe again.

"You said it wasn't you," Luke replies, still holding her. "Your hands but not your control. Took me a little while to process that."

"I'm still the one who killed her. I still… I didn't know when I met you. I had no way of knowing. I'd blocked everything out about that night and then _we_ happened and I saw the picture in your cabinet and… I _couldn't_ tell you. I was scared, and I don't _do_ scared, and-"

She falls apart again, and this time she's less surprised when he catches her. This time it's almost a beginning. This time, as she cries until her eyes hurt from dryness, she is unafraid. This time, she wonders if there might yet be hope.

"You didn't mean to hide that from me," he breathes. "It still hurts that you did, but I get it. Hard thing to admit."

"So you're not mad at me?"

"Right now I'm too tired to be much of anything, Jess." He kisses her forehead, lingers longer than he should. "We can figure this out in the morning. For now… it's kinda nice curling up with someone again."

"You want me to stay?"

"You're probably safer here than anywhere," he shrugs. "So yeah, I want you to stay."

It's different, falling into bed with him with her clothing still mostly on. Different as she throws aside her jacket and jeans, different as she lies with her back towards him lest she accidentally cross whatever the current lines are, different as his arms loop around her waist again and pull her close. Different as his body melds around hers, different as he feathers kisses along the curve of her neck but makes no move to go further, different as she fights the urge to grind back against him. Different as she falls asleep mostly whole and mostly functional, her last lucid thought that maybe she could get used to this.

The monster told her that she had no one. The morning after, Jess knows better. She has someone, a good man whose wounds are still healing but who's willing to take another chance on her despite that. She doesn't have to fight this war alone, and so help her, she's not going to. Not anymore.

 


End file.
